Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles in life. The words we choose as parents can have a profound impact on our children’s emotional well-being, self-esteem, and future relationships. While most parents have the best intentions, certain phrases—often spoken in moments of frustration or stress—can leave lasting scars. These words, even when unintentional, can shape a child’s self-perception and worldview.
Here are 10 of the most damaging things parents say to their kids, why they’re harmful, and how to reframe them to foster a healthier, more supportive environment.
1. “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
Comparing children to their siblings (or peers) can breed resentment, jealousy, and a sense of inadequacy. It sends the message that they’re not good enough as they are.
What to say instead:
“I love how unique you are. Let’s work on this together.”
Focus on their individual strengths and encourage growth without comparison.
2. “You’re so lazy/stupid/selfish.”
Labeling children with negative traits can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. They may internalize these words and believe they’re true, leading to low self-esteem.
What to say instead:
“I know you can do better. Let’s figure out how to improve this.”
Address the behavior, not the child’s character.
3. “I wish you were never born.”
This is one of the most emotionally devastating things a parent can say. It can make a child feel unwanted and unworthy of love.
What to say instead:
“I’m feeling really frustrated right now, but I love you no matter what.”
Reassure them of your love, even in difficult moments.
4. “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Dismissing a child’s emotions teaches them to suppress their feelings, which can lead to emotional struggles later in life.
What to say instead:
“It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you.”
Validate their emotions and help them process their feelings.
5. “You’re a disappointment.”
This phrase can crush a child’s spirit and make them feel like they’ll never measure up to expectations.
What to say instead:
“I know you’re capable of great things. Let’s work on this together.”
Offer support and encouragement instead of criticism.
6. “Because I said so.”
While it may seem like an easy way to end an argument, this phrase shuts down communication and discourages critical thinking.
What to say instead:
“Let me explain why this is important.”
Provide context to help them understand your reasoning.
7. “You’re too sensitive.”
Minimizing a child’s feelings can make them feel misunderstood and invalidated. It can also discourage them from expressing themselves in the future.
What to say instead:
“I can see this really matters to you. Let’s talk about it.”
Acknowledge their emotions and show empathy.
8. “I do everything for you, and this is how you repay me?”
This guilt-tripping statement can make a child feel like a burden and create a sense of obligation rather than gratitude.
What to say instead:
“I love taking care of you, and it’s important that we work together as a team.”
Encourage cooperation without guilt.
9. “You’ll never amount to anything.”
This phrase can destroy a child’s confidence and ambition, making them believe they’re destined for failure.
What to say instead:
“Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is how we learn from them.”
Focus on growth and resilience.
10. “I’m done with you.”
Threatening to withdraw love or support can create deep-seated fears of abandonment and insecurity.
What to say instead:
“I need a moment to calm down, but I’ll always be here for you.”
Reassure them of your presence and commitment, even during conflicts.
The Power of Words: Building a Stronger Bond
Children are like sponges, absorbing not only what we say but how we say it. The language we use shapes their inner voice, self-worth, and ability to navigate the world. By choosing words that uplift, encourage, and validate, we can help our children grow into confident, resilient, and emotionally healthy individuals.
Remember, no parent is perfect, and we all make mistakes. What matters most is acknowledging those missteps, apologizing when necessary, and striving to do better. After all, the goal isn’t to be a flawless parent but to be a loving, supportive one who helps their child thrive.
