Parenting a toddler is associated with numerous challenges, and one of them is instilling empathy, manners, and responsibility for their actions in them. Parents often wonder: Should I get an apology from my toddler? The response isn’t simple—it is based on their stage of development, emotional knowledge, and the way you lead them.
Understanding Toddler Development
Toddlers (1-3 years old) are just learning about feelings, social interactions, and consequences. At this age:
- They are egocentric, i.e., they view the world primarily from their own point of view.
- They might not fully understand how their behavior impacts others.
- Their language skills are emerging, so it can be hard to express remorse verbally.
Vying for a genuine, off-the-cuff apology from a two-year-old might be unrealistic. Still, this doesn’t preclude teaching them about apologizing—you just need to manage your expectations.
How to Teach Apologies Without Forcing Them
Forcing a toddler to apologize with a mere “sorry” before he or she has a grasp of what the word means can result in fake apologies. Instead, practice with them to identify feelings and make things right in developmentally appropriate ways:
1. Model Apologizing Yourself
Kids learn from observation. If you mess up (such as bumping into them by accident), say, “Oops, I’m sorry! Are you okay?” This lets them see that apologizing is an everyday occurrence.
2. Encourage Them to Identify Feelings
Rather than insisting on an apology, let them know how their behavior made someone else feel. For instance:
- “See, your friend is upset because you took his toy. Let’s return it.”
- “When you hit, it hurts. Let’s use gentle hands.”
3. Encourage Making Amends
Actions sometimes say more than words. Rather than just apologizing with “sorry,” lead them to:
- Give a hug.
- Restore what they destroyed (such as picking up a toy they hurled).
- Share a toy as a token of reconciliation.
4. Use Simple, Encouraging Language
If they don’t want to apologize, guide them:
- “What can we say to help them feel better?”
- “Let’s say sorry together.”
When to Worry
While most toddlers are in the process of learning, chronic aggressive actions without remorse (even with reprimand) may require additional consideration. If your child repeatedly injures others, denies it, or is indifferent to the feelings of others, seeing a pediatrician or a child psychologist might be beneficial.
Final Thoughts
Do you expect an apology from your toddler? Not necessarily in the form that an older child or an adult would offer. Rather than coercion into hollow words, stress empathy and making amends in small, significant ways. In time, with patience and example, they will learn the real value of “I’m sorry.”